(This was originally posted by me elsewhere, I thought it would be a good place to start.)
Homosexual
\ˌhō-mə-ˈsek-sh(ə-)wəl,
-ˈsek-shəl\
1: of, relating
to, or characterized by a tendency to direct sexual desire toward
another of the same sex
2: of, relating
to, or involving sexual intercourse between persons of the same sex
I'm not sure just when I started
thinking about that word, but I can thank Brother Juniper my sixth
grade teacher. I hated going to Catholic School, but they DID
educate me! Brother Juniper insisted we all needed to have a good
vocabulary. So every day we had to learn five new words and their
meanings. For this we each had a big box of VisEd vocabulary flash
cards. We also had somethng called the “Ohio Tests” which gave
us exercises in reading comprehension. This was the one part of the
day, that I always enjoyed. There were always good, and interesting
stories to read. The story of Homosexuality, however was not one of
them!
I do remember that the subject was
brought up once, in health education. We were taught that, this was
one of the sins, that called out for God's vengeance! It was when
one man, had sex with another. It was the reason, that Sodom and
Gomorrah were destroyed by God!
Well, I always had an inquiring mind!
Brother Juniper also introduced our class, to the Brooklyn Public
Library. That behemoth Art Deco building on Grand Army Plaza.
I would go there every week, and not
only take out books from the childrens section, but go to the
reference section as well. I remember thinking about that word, HOMOSEXUAL! I think
I had always had a thing for other boys. I never really thought
about it, but as I grew older I realized I liked looking at other
boys, more than girls.
It was here that I first started researching, just what that word was all about. The Brooklyn Public Library had a huge reference collection. To my dismay, what they had on Homosexuality was discouraging, to say the least. Books on the subject at that time tended to be very critical and negative. Quite discouraging to a young homosexual! They tended to discuss the "illness" that homosexuality was considered at the time. Many
of todays generation, don't realize that up until 1973, the
American Psychiatric Association, considered homosexuality, a mental
illness. It was termed, deviant behavior. Something disgusting, and
perverted that was treated as a both a form of mental illness as well as a crime. Many of these books actually had illustrations, sometimes going into graphic detail the perverted and disgusting acts they said were performed by Homosexuals! At the tender age of twelve, this was all a bit too much to handle. Needless to say, I kept my secret to myself.
As time went on, I became more and more aware of the fact that I was attracted to my own sex.
I was now sixteen, and knew I was gay. It was something I really wanted to share with someone. I considered telling my grandfather who at the time was my best friend. Unfortunately he was fighting cancer, and I didn't want to upset him with my problem.
I had to be satisfied with surfing,
and mens fashion magazines. To satisfy my pubescent sexual desires. There were other
“health and fitness” magazines that I saw at the newstands on
42nd Street. These were magazines with names like "Him", and "Modern Adonis" they all had cute guys on the cover. I never had the nerve to buy one of them
though. What would people think, and what would my parents do to me if they found one!
Then it happened! One day I was at the
barbershop with my father and grandfather. There was always a stack
of magazines to read. As chance would have it, there was a new issue of LIFE
magazine. As I looked through the index I saw it! An article called
"Homsexuality in America”. Of course I couldn't really read
much of it, with other people not seeing what I was reading. There
was a double page photo with a big headline. It was a bit obvious. I
knew where I could read it though, the Brooklyn Public Library!
Indeed I did, probably about three times. The article came with a
number of photos. After all, that was what LIFE as all about, photos! These photos were quite revealing. They showed places where these "HOMOSEXUALS" actually congregated!
The article showed a bunch of men, in a
bar in San Francisco. I had never seen anything like this. A whole
bunch of gay men, all in one place. Then there were a few other
photos of younger guys. There were also photos of guys being handcuffed by the police. I realized this was a risky lifestyle! One of the photos of young men, was from Central Park in New York City.
There were also photos of Greenwich Village and Times Square. I had just discovered where I could find guys like myself!
I started going to Central Park and watching the men I saw there. I was still under age, and not many guys approached me. When they did they usually scared me off. They were usually older men, who were quite up front. No I wasn't looking to make money! I remember one young man though,
who did stop and talk with me. He was my age. I still remember him
coming up to me and introducing himself. He said “my name is Ralph,
what's yours?” We talked for awhile. Then I happened to glance down at his pants. Only that old Mae West line, described what I noticed. Someone was
happy to meet me!
It was the first time, something like
that had ever happened. I didn't know just quite what to do. I know what I wanted to do though! So I
walked him home, but he said he couldn't invite me in. He said he lived with
his “uncle”. Later I found out that “uncle”, back then often
was gay slang for a sugar daddy. So I went home unfulfilled, but
with the realization that yes, I was a Homosexual! It would take
another year until, I would have my first gay experience with Donny. A model who worked for Metecue
Studios. The same guy, I had seen on the cover of one of those magazines on 42nd Street!
